• Explaining Child Loss

    Child Loss: If I Could Change One Thing in My LIfe…..

    Have you ever wondered about the answer to this question:  “What is the one thing that, if given the chance to change, you would change in your life?” I think about this all of the time as I play different scenarios in my head.  If this would happen, then that would be the result.  “If I had not been born into a poor family, then this is how my life would be now.”  “If I hadn’t been born terribly shy, then I could have gone on to be a super motivating public speaker.”  “If I didn’t have such a large nose (that always bothered me — I have a larger…

  • Child Loss,  Explaining Child Loss,  Sibling Loss

    Child Loss: The Shadow of Fear

      When our lives are touched by the loss of a child, many things happen to us that change us from the inside out.  Aside from life-long pain and grief, other changes occur that we’re often afraid to mention for fear of thinking we’re the only one or that we might be wrongly judged. Fear.  The fear that accompanies child loss is overwhelming.  We fear all kinds of things — fear of the future, fear of today, fear of never being able to smile again, fear of not having enough strength and hope to go on in this life, but most of all we fear something that we’re almost hesitant to say…

  • Child Loss,  Explaining Child Loss,  Sibling Loss,  Stillbirth

    Child Loss: Unless You’ve Walked in My Shoes — Don’t Talk!

    Note:  This was written one year and three months before the death of my adult son.  Little did I know how much more my grief would increase in just a few months!  Since the original writing, I have written two books, Child Loss – the Heartbreak and the Hope  and Hope 365. Not a day goes by without someone making comments to me that are questioning the validity of the intensity of pain a parent feels when child loss occurs.  I understand that people are trying to “get it” when it comes to losing a child, but some comments are beyond my realm of thinking. “I loved my dog just…

  • Child Loss,  Sibling Loss

    Child Loss: Forgiving the Child That Died

    Before I begin this blog post, please know that this is a subject that is often not mentioned.  Almost never.  Yet, I feel it’s something that we need to address if we’re ever going to come to terms with our child’s death and find some semblance of peace. I’ll use a personal experience as my reference, but ask that if you can find the strength and the words that you’ll comment at the end of the blog so that we can have some honest discussion about a very closed topic pertaining to child loss. Let me explain what I mean by “forgiving the child that died.” When a child dies,…

  • Child Loss,  Differences with Male/Female Grief

    Child Loss: Will My Marriage Survive?

    When my sister Carmella died at age thirteen my parents were already separated. Her illness had taken a toll on the marriage. And, I’ll be quite honest with you by saying that it felt like our family was shipwrecked. Our faith in God was shattered. Friends seemed scarce. Family seemed even more scarce. And, my mom and dad shut down and stopped communicating with each other. The end result of this strain and stress was a divorce. They both parted ways following my sister’s death leaving our family even more broken than it already was. Why? Why do so many marriages fall apart following the death of a child? We’ll…

  • Child Loss,  Stillbirth

    Child Loss: This is Not Real!

    We all know that the possibility of death is always there.  We understand that, but somehow we just never combine that possibility with the death of a child.  We’re thinking in terms of other people  than children — grandparents, an aunt who lived to be nearly a hundred, or the neighbor we knew who lived in the nursing home for the past twenty years. Never, ever do we think death is going to touch us in the form of child loss!  And, when it does, our first reaction is often, “This is not real!  It can’t be!  My child is alive.  This is some kind of mistake.”  We freeze and won’t…

  • Child Loss,  Sibling Loss

    Child Loss: The Empty Place at the Table

      Losing a child creates all kinds of emotions that we’ve never felt before.  There is an inner emptiness that can never be described in human terms.  We know what it feels like to miss someone we love………..but to miss a child is so very different from any kind of sorrow known to mankind.  There is a yearning, a longing, a feeling of being so incomplete that our heart feels like it’s going to break in two.  There is an emptiness that reaches clear into our very souls! For those who don’t know, my name is Clara Hinton, and I’m the author of the book, “Silent Grief” — a book…

  • Child Loss,  Honoring Your Child's Birthday,  Sibling Loss,  Stillbirth

    Child Loss: Saying “Happy Birthday” When Our Child is Gone

    Never in one million years did I think I’d ever be faced with the agony of how to celebrate my child’s birthday after his death.  Yet, it happened to me just as it happens to thousands of parents every year.  Yet, strangely enough, we don’t talk about how to do this.  Why?  Because truthfully, society seems to shun talk of death —  especially the death of child.  Add to that the fact that we want to honor our child’s “birthday” after death, and we often get stares from people like we’ve gone totally crazy. Today, let’s push aside all thoughts about what others think.  I’m going to share some thoughts…

  • Child Loss,  Stillbirth

    Child Loss: What Happens When there is Little Support?

    When child loss occurs, nobody knows what to say or do.  So, many times people say whatever pops into their minds, and that’s usually never a good thing and offers very little, if any support. When I delivered my little Samuel, I held him close to me as my tears drenched his face.  He was born still.  I knew ahead of time that his heart had stopped beating, but never did I dream that my heart would stop beating, too, when he entered this world.  Even though he was not alive, I still felt safe and close to him when his body was still inside of mine.  Does that makes sense?  It’s…

  • Child Loss,  Sibling Loss

    Child Loss: Seeing Our Child After Death

    People don’t like to talk about this subject.  They say it’s too disturbing.  But, worse is when it happens to you and you’re not expecting it, and then you believe you’re crazy.  Sometimes we honestly believe we can see our child who died walking among the living.  You didn’t lose your mind.  This is all part of your grief, and it’s time people began talking about it! When my sister died at age thirteen, I was devastated!  I was only fifteen, and nobody had prepared me at all about death.  Why would they?  It’s something you don’t really think much about at that age.  And, truthfully, death isn’t a topic that…