• Uncategorized

    What can I do when grief overpowers me?

    There are days when the grief of losing a child seems over-the-top. The pain is just too much and we have no idea what to do or how to cope. I’ve been there. I’ve had a LOT of those days when I felt totally defeated. I spent hours upon hours in bed crying until I thought there were no tears left. This is a horrible place to be in our grief. When my son died, the early months of grief are barely remembered. All I know is that I was in a lot of pain. Nothing made sense. My world as I knew it no longer existed. This new world…

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    Life goes on…..but it feels so wrong without my child.

    Every parent of child loss knows this lonely pain. It’s the pain of watching life go on without your child. It hurts and it hurts really bad. It feels all wrong, and nothing makes sense. We are plagued day after day with the gnawing questions of “why?” and “how can this happen?”. Yet….despite our questions and our pain, we see it happening before our eyes every day. New memories are being made. People have gone back to smiling and feeling joyful. People are busy with their own lives building and nurturing their own families. And parents of loss……well, we feel left alone. Isolated. Lonely. Broken. Sad. I love hearing from…

  • Uncategorized

    When will this grief end?

    Every parent suffers through the loss of a child in his or her own way. But, there is one thing that is uniformly the same for all. The pain. The pain of losing a child is intense. And, the pain is ongoing. I am convinced after losing two sons, that the grief of child loss never goes away. There will never be true closure — not in the sense that some people think. We do ourselves a great disservice by thinking that one day we’ll wake up and everything will feel A-okay. That’s not how it works. When a child dies, everything in our world as we once knew it…

  • Uncategorized

    Does a Mother Grieve More than a Father?

    As a mother of child loss, I often wondered if we mothers grieved longer and harder than fathers. Fathers of children who died seemed to be able to move on to a place of semi-normalcy in a rather quick way. At least that’s how it seemed to be to me after my baby boy died. It took me literally several years to be able to look at another baby and genuinely feel joy, whereas my husband was able to move on almost without hesitation. As I heard from more and more mothers of child loss, I knew I wasn’t the only mother of loss feeling this way. It’s been thirty…

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    What Helps When I’m Missing My Child So Much I Want to Die?

    The first two years after my son died, there was a constant pain in the center of my chest. That pain never let up. I knew that my heart was broken and I also knew that nothing I could ever do would fix this kind of brokenness. In the next few years following that pain began to feel a bit more dull. In fact, it turned into an ache. The ache wasn’t noticeable every minute of the day — especially when I was busy — but at night the ache turned into a throb. Sometimes it got so bad that I pulled the covers over my head and never wanted…

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    Every parent of loss needs to tell their story….

    I never knew how important it was for parents of child loss to tell their story until I became one of those parents. If you’re like me, though, finding people to listen has not been easy! I’m sure you’ve heard things like, “that’s too sad”, “you need to move on”, “don’t keep living in the past.” We’ve heard those things time and time again, and yet…..we still feel that empty hole that aches and throbs and ” we need to tell our story.” Sometimes it’s not the pain of losing our child that is the most empty feeling. Instead, it’s knowing that NOBODY is there to listen. NOBODY seems to…

  • Child Loss

    When My Child Died, Part of Me Died, Too!

    Ask any parent and they’ll tell you that they will never forget hearing those words, “I’m so sorry.” Those three words can change a parent’s life and turn their world upside down in a split second. When I heard those words being said to me on the phone about my son I truly believe that in that instant part of me died, too. 

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    Going Into the New Year Without My Child

    The New Year has arrived, but it didn’t arrive fresh and new with a clean slate like promised. For me the lingering pain of child loss resides in my heart and has taken permanent residence. I guess I wasn’t expecting the pain to go away; but I was hoping it would somehow feel lighter this year. It doesn’t. 

  • Child Loss,  What to Say to a Grieving Parent

    Stop Saying This to Grieving Parents, Please!

    My heart has been broken, divided, smashed, and left empty by the loss of two children, an infant son and an adult son. I’m still in “recovery” and I will be for the rest of my life. I’ve come to understand that pain is the reality of child loss. At least I know what to expect. What I’m not okay with are the things that have been said to me following my losses! Why do people say these things to grieving parents?  Do they think these comments will help? Do they not take time to think  through what they’re saying? Or do they really believe what they’re saying will give…

  • Child Loss,  Explaining Child Loss,  The cycle of grief after child loss

    Child Loss – What’s It Like Years After?

    My first son was born sleeping twenty-nine years ago.  I was so devastated with grief that I thought I couldn’t live.  I honestly didn’t want to live for several months after this loss.  It has been almost three decades now since little Samuel was born asleep.  What’s it like?  I did a lot of hard grieving for more than twenty years.  I’m talking hard grieving.  I found it difficult to even look at a baby or a pregnant woman, let alone feel joyful.  When Samuel died, part of me died, too.