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    What can I do when grief overpowers me?

    There are days when the grief of losing a child seems over-the-top. The pain is just too much and we have no idea what to do or how to cope. I’ve been there. I’ve had a LOT of those days when I felt totally defeated. I spent hours upon hours in bed crying until I thought there were no tears left. This is a horrible place to be in our grief. When my son died, the early months of grief are barely remembered. All I know is that I was in a lot of pain. Nothing made sense. My world as I knew it no longer existed. This new world…

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    Life goes on…..but it feels so wrong without my child.

    Every parent of child loss knows this lonely pain. It’s the pain of watching life go on without your child. It hurts and it hurts really bad. It feels all wrong, and nothing makes sense. We are plagued day after day with the gnawing questions of “why?” and “how can this happen?”. Yet….despite our questions and our pain, we see it happening before our eyes every day. New memories are being made. People have gone back to smiling and feeling joyful. People are busy with their own lives building and nurturing their own families. And parents of loss……well, we feel left alone. Isolated. Lonely. Broken. Sad. I love hearing from…

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    When will this grief end?

    Every parent suffers through the loss of a child in his or her own way. But, there is one thing that is uniformly the same for all. The pain. The pain of losing a child is intense. And, the pain is ongoing. I am convinced after losing two sons, that the grief of child loss never goes away. There will never be true closure — not in the sense that some people think. We do ourselves a great disservice by thinking that one day we’ll wake up and everything will feel A-okay. That’s not how it works. When a child dies, everything in our world as we once knew it…

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    Does a Mother Grieve More than a Father?

    As a mother of child loss, I often wondered if we mothers grieved longer and harder than fathers. Fathers of children who died seemed to be able to move on to a place of semi-normalcy in a rather quick way. At least that’s how it seemed to be to me after my baby boy died. It took me literally several years to be able to look at another baby and genuinely feel joy, whereas my husband was able to move on almost without hesitation. As I heard from more and more mothers of child loss, I knew I wasn’t the only mother of loss feeling this way. It’s been thirty…

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    What Helps When I’m Missing My Child So Much I Want to Die?

    The first two years after my son died, there was a constant pain in the center of my chest. That pain never let up. I knew that my heart was broken and I also knew that nothing I could ever do would fix this kind of brokenness. In the next few years following that pain began to feel a bit more dull. In fact, it turned into an ache. The ache wasn’t noticeable every minute of the day — especially when I was busy — but at night the ache turned into a throb. Sometimes it got so bad that I pulled the covers over my head and never wanted…

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    Every parent of loss needs to tell their story….

    I never knew how important it was for parents of child loss to tell their story until I became one of those parents. If you’re like me, though, finding people to listen has not been easy! I’m sure you’ve heard things like, “that’s too sad”, “you need to move on”, “don’t keep living in the past.” We’ve heard those things time and time again, and yet…..we still feel that empty hole that aches and throbs and ” we need to tell our story.” Sometimes it’s not the pain of losing our child that is the most empty feeling. Instead, it’s knowing that NOBODY is there to listen. NOBODY seems to…

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    Going Into the New Year Without My Child

    The New Year has arrived, but it didn’t arrive fresh and new with a clean slate like promised. For me the lingering pain of child loss resides in my heart and has taken permanent residence. I guess I wasn’t expecting the pain to go away; but I was hoping it would somehow feel lighter this year. It doesn’t. 

  • Child Loss,  Coping With Grief on Christmas Day,  Uncategorized

    Ten Tips for Coping with Grief on Christmas Day

    How are we going to do it?  How will we get through this holiday called Christmas when child loss has occurred?  Our hearts are broken.  We feel so desolate and alone.  We don’t have the energy to face the day, and yet……….we know we want to do something other than cry the entire day.  We feel a special need to do something to bring our child back into this holiday. But, how?  How do we do this?       

  • Child Loss,  Sibling Loss,  Stillbirth,  Uncategorized

    Child Loss: The Day Heaven Became Real

      I grew up going to Sunday School and reading the Bible and hearing stories about how great heaven was — no tears, no sickness, no night.  It sure did sound good to me, but it didn’t sound real.  In fact, a lot of nights I’d lay in bed and worry about dying.  I wondered if there really was a place called heaven or if it was just a made-up story — a fairytale told to make kids be good at night and fall asleep quicker.  “Dream of how happy heaven will be.  Just close your eyes and think about heaven.  You’ll fall asleep before you know it.” When my thirteen-year-old sister…

  • Child Loss,  Uncategorized

    Child Loss: Who Am I?

    When my son died I no longer knew who I was.  I was lost.  I felt as though half of me was missing.  I felt transparent to the world — like everyone could see right through me and see that my heart was broken and bleeding.  My mind raced and my tears flowed and I cried out to whoever would listen.  “Who am I? I don’t know who I am any more!” And, the truth is that I really didn’t know who I was when my son died.  Was I Samuel’s mom?  Was I still a mother?  Was I an ex-mother?  Who was I?  Suddenly my identity changed and there…