• Child Loss,  Explaining Child Loss,  Sibling Loss,  Stillbirth,  Teen Loss,  Why year two of child loss is often worse

    Why Is the Grief from Child Loss Often Worse in Year Two?

    When my baby boy was born still twenty-five years ago, the grief that I felt was impossible to explain to others.  There were days when I could not move from my bed.  Eventually, the grief seemed to soften a bit, and life felt “okay” for a time. Then year two came along, and I was knocked flat with crippling grief, only this time it was much worse and I couldn’t figure out why I had this much grief hitting me so hard again. Just recently my adult son Mike died very unexpectedly, and my heart was ripped apart.  Shattered.  Empty.  Lost.  Feeling so alone.  And, knowing what is ahead in this…

  • Child Loss,  Faith and Grief of Child Loss,  Stillbirth

    If You Have a Strong Faith, Will You Grieve Less During Child Loss?

    For a long time, I had the misconception that the stronger my faith, the less problems I would have.  I also believed with all of my heart that the stronger my faith, the more good things would come into my life.  I sincerely (and wrongly) believed that if I had a super strong faith, I lived in somewhat of a protective bubble that would keep the bad stuff away.

  • Child Loss,  Stillbirth,  What to Say to a Grieving Parent

    What (not) to Say to a Parent Who Has Lost a Child

    I am a bereaved mom. And, that is a very, very, very difficult statement for me to say.  Why?  Because that one sentence makes child loss in my life “real.”  I have suffered the pain of six miscarriages, one stillborn baby boy, and now most recently the sudden, unexpected death of my firstborn son. My heart is broken.  My grief cannot be described in words — only in feelings.  And, I know with complete certainty that my life has been changed forever. 

  • Child Loss,  Sibling Loss,  Stillbirth,  Uncategorized

    Child Loss: The Day Heaven Became Real

      I grew up going to Sunday School and reading the Bible and hearing stories about how great heaven was — no tears, no sickness, no night.  It sure did sound good to me, but it didn’t sound real.  In fact, a lot of nights I’d lay in bed and worry about dying.  I wondered if there really was a place called heaven or if it was just a made-up story — a fairytale told to make kids be good at night and fall asleep quicker.  “Dream of how happy heaven will be.  Just close your eyes and think about heaven.  You’ll fall asleep before you know it.” When my thirteen-year-old sister…

  • Child Loss,  Explaining Child Loss,  Sibling Loss,  Stillbirth

    Child Loss: Unless You’ve Walked in My Shoes — Don’t Talk!

    Note:  This was written one year and three months before the death of my adult son.  Little did I know how much more my grief would increase in just a few months!  Since the original writing, I have written two books, Child Loss – the Heartbreak and the Hope  and Hope 365. Not a day goes by without someone making comments to me that are questioning the validity of the intensity of pain a parent feels when child loss occurs.  I understand that people are trying to “get it” when it comes to losing a child, but some comments are beyond my realm of thinking. “I loved my dog just…

  • Child Loss,  Stillbirth

    Child Loss: This is Not Real!

    We all know that the possibility of death is always there.  We understand that, but somehow we just never combine that possibility with the death of a child.  We’re thinking in terms of other people  than children — grandparents, an aunt who lived to be nearly a hundred, or the neighbor we knew who lived in the nursing home for the past twenty years. Never, ever do we think death is going to touch us in the form of child loss!  And, when it does, our first reaction is often, “This is not real!  It can’t be!  My child is alive.  This is some kind of mistake.”  We freeze and won’t…

  • Child Loss,  Honoring Your Child's Birthday,  Sibling Loss,  Stillbirth

    Child Loss: Saying “Happy Birthday” When Our Child is Gone

    Never in one million years did I think I’d ever be faced with the agony of how to celebrate my child’s birthday after his death.  Yet, it happened to me just as it happens to thousands of parents every year.  Yet, strangely enough, we don’t talk about how to do this.  Why?  Because truthfully, society seems to shun talk of death —  especially the death of child.  Add to that the fact that we want to honor our child’s “birthday” after death, and we often get stares from people like we’ve gone totally crazy. Today, let’s push aside all thoughts about what others think.  I’m going to share some thoughts…

  • Child Loss,  Stillbirth

    Child Loss: What Happens When there is Little Support?

    When child loss occurs, nobody knows what to say or do.  So, many times people say whatever pops into their minds, and that’s usually never a good thing and offers very little, if any support. When I delivered my little Samuel, I held him close to me as my tears drenched his face.  He was born still.  I knew ahead of time that his heart had stopped beating, but never did I dream that my heart would stop beating, too, when he entered this world.  Even though he was not alive, I still felt safe and close to him when his body was still inside of mine.  Does that makes sense?  It’s…

  • Child Loss,  Stillbirth

    Child Loss: Things People Say

    Losing a child is horrible.  There is no description that can define the pain.  Unless you’ve lived it, you can’t fully “get it”, and there’s not one person who has experienced the loss of a child that would wish this kind of pain on anyone — not even their worst enemy.  There are some things that are a blur and will always remain a blur following the death of my thirteen year old sister and then later on following the loss of my son and six miscarried babies.  But, the things that remain clear to me are the things that were said to me during my darkest hours of grief. The words…

  • Child Loss,  Stillbirth

    Child Loss: The Secret in My Dresser Drawer

    Twenty five years ago something happened in my life that I didn’t think I could live through.  One day I was happily pregnant anticipating a new baby joining our family.  And, then without warning I didn’t feel any of the kicks and somersaults that I looked forward to all throughout the day and night.  My body was so still and it was frightening.  I was too afraid to move.  Too afraid to say anything.  Too afraid to allow my thoughts to enter that dark chamber where I knew my heart was going to receive news that would cause my heart to break in two. I waited ’til morning to call the doctor.  Maybe I…