• Child Loss,  Explaining Child Loss,  Sibling Loss,  What to Say to a Grieving Parent

    I Will NEVER Forget What Happened the Day After My Son Died

    Child loss is traumatic.  I will always remember the phone call I received saying, “They tried.  They tried for over an hour, but they couldn’t save him.” I was in bed at the time I received that life-changing call, and I can remember letting out moans that didn’t sound human.  I’ve tried to hide that moment in the recesses of my mind, but I can’t.  That’s just how trauma works.  Every time the phone rings in the evening, I jump.  My body tenses, and I begin screaming out, “Please, God!  Please don’t let this happen again!”        

  • Child Loss,  Explaining Child Loss,  Faith and Grief of Child Loss,  Healing after child loss

    When Does Healing Take Place after Child Loss?

    Every bereaved parent has a burning question that needs to be answered.  That question is, “When does healing take place after child loss?.”  The pain following the loss of a child is so intense, so all-consuming, so life changing, that we are constantly searching for the answer to healing.  It is human instinct to do everything possible as quickly as possible to get rid of pain.  We long to feel healthy and whole.  We long to be able to be joyful in our living.  We want nothing more than to be able to smile and enjoy life to its fullest.

  • Child Loss,  Explaining Child Loss,  Sibling Loss,  Stillbirth,  Teen Loss,  Why year two of child loss is often worse

    Why Is the Grief from Child Loss Often Worse in Year Two?

    When my baby boy was born still twenty-five years ago, the grief that I felt was impossible to explain to others.  There were days when I could not move from my bed.  Eventually, the grief seemed to soften a bit, and life felt “okay” for a time. Then year two came along, and I was knocked flat with crippling grief, only this time it was much worse and I couldn’t figure out why I had this much grief hitting me so hard again. Just recently my adult son Mike died very unexpectedly, and my heart was ripped apart.  Shattered.  Empty.  Lost.  Feeling so alone.  And, knowing what is ahead in this…

  • Child Loss,  Faith and Grief of Child Loss,  Stillbirth

    If You Have a Strong Faith, Will You Grieve Less During Child Loss?

    For a long time, I had the misconception that the stronger my faith, the less problems I would have.  I also believed with all of my heart that the stronger my faith, the more good things would come into my life.  I sincerely (and wrongly) believed that if I had a super strong faith, I lived in somewhat of a protective bubble that would keep the bad stuff away.

  • Child Loss,  How to Validate Your Child's Life after Death

    Why It’s Important to Talk About Your Children Who Are No Longer Here

    Have you ever noticed how much people clam up and will not mention a child’s name when child loss has taken place?  To bereaved parents, this is one of the biggest hurts of all.  What we need — what we’re wanting so desperately — is to know that our child has not been forgotten!  Hearing our child’s name spoken is the sweetest name we can ever hear!  

  • Child Loss,  Stillbirth,  What to Say to a Grieving Parent

    What (not) to Say to a Parent Who Has Lost a Child

    I am a bereaved mom. And, that is a very, very, very difficult statement for me to say.  Why?  Because that one sentence makes child loss in my life “real.”  I have suffered the pain of six miscarriages, one stillborn baby boy, and now most recently the sudden, unexpected death of my firstborn son. My heart is broken.  My grief cannot be described in words — only in feelings.  And, I know with complete certainty that my life has been changed forever. 

  • Child Loss,  Sibling Loss,  Stillbirth,  Uncategorized

    Child Loss: The Day Heaven Became Real

      I grew up going to Sunday School and reading the Bible and hearing stories about how great heaven was — no tears, no sickness, no night.  It sure did sound good to me, but it didn’t sound real.  In fact, a lot of nights I’d lay in bed and worry about dying.  I wondered if there really was a place called heaven or if it was just a made-up story — a fairytale told to make kids be good at night and fall asleep quicker.  “Dream of how happy heaven will be.  Just close your eyes and think about heaven.  You’ll fall asleep before you know it.” When my thirteen-year-old sister…

  • Child Loss,  Uncategorized

    Child Loss: Who Am I?

    When my son died I no longer knew who I was.  I was lost.  I felt as though half of me was missing.  I felt transparent to the world — like everyone could see right through me and see that my heart was broken and bleeding.  My mind raced and my tears flowed and I cried out to whoever would listen.  “Who am I? I don’t know who I am any more!” And, the truth is that I really didn’t know who I was when my son died.  Was I Samuel’s mom?  Was I still a mother?  Was I an ex-mother?  Who was I?  Suddenly my identity changed and there…

  • Child Loss

    Child Loss: I’m So Lost Without My Child!

    Twenty-four years ago I experienced a pit of grief like I never want to experience ever again.  My son died. The moment Samuel’s soul left this earth, he took part of me with him — a part of my heart and a part of my soul and I knew that those parts of “us” would never return again. I was lost.  And scared.  And felt so alone.  For the first time in my life I didn’t know if I could go on living.       

  • Child Loss,  Explaining Child Loss,  Honoring Your Child's Birthday

    Child Loss: How to Talk to a Grieving Parent

    Why is it that so many people think they know “exactly how you feel” when child loss occurs?  If I had a nickel for every time somebody told me they knew exactly how I felt after I lost my child, I’d have a stack of nickels a mile high. Truthfully, nobody knows exactly how a grieving parent, grandparent, or sibling feels after the death of a child.  I understand that people mean well, but it’s time they understand that those words shouldn’t be spoken — ever — following the loss of a child! So, what do you say to a parent who is grieving the loss of their child?  Do you…