Child Loss: Forgiving the Child That Died
Before I begin this blog post, please know that this is a subject that is often not mentioned. Almost never. Yet, I feel it’s something that we need to address if we’re ever going to come to terms with our child’s death and find some semblance of peace. I’ll use a personal experience as my reference, but ask that if you can find the strength and the words that you’ll comment at the end of the blog so that we can have some honest discussion about a very closed topic pertaining to child loss. Let me explain what I mean by “forgiving the child that died.” When a child dies,…
Child Loss: Will My Marriage Survive?
When my sister Carmella died at age thirteen my parents were already separated. Her illness had taken a toll on the marriage. And, I’ll be quite honest with you by saying that it felt like our family was shipwrecked. Our faith in God was shattered. Friends seemed scarce. Family seemed even more scarce. And, my mom and dad shut down and stopped communicating with each other. The end result of this strain and stress was a divorce. They both parted ways following my sister’s death leaving our family even more broken than it already was. Why? Why do so many marriages fall apart following the death of a child? We’ll…
Child Loss: This is Not Real!
We all know that the possibility of death is always there. We understand that, but somehow we just never combine that possibility with the death of a child. We’re thinking in terms of other people than children — grandparents, an aunt who lived to be nearly a hundred, or the neighbor we knew who lived in the nursing home for the past twenty years. Never, ever do we think death is going to touch us in the form of child loss! And, when it does, our first reaction is often, “This is not real! It can’t be! My child is alive. This is some kind of mistake.” We freeze and won’t…
Child Loss: The Empty Place at the Table
Losing a child creates all kinds of emotions that we’ve never felt before. There is an inner emptiness that can never be described in human terms. We know what it feels like to miss someone we love………..but to miss a child is so very different from any kind of sorrow known to mankind. There is a yearning, a longing, a feeling of being so incomplete that our heart feels like it’s going to break in two. There is an emptiness that reaches clear into our very souls! For those who don’t know, my name is Clara Hinton, and I’m the author of the book, “Silent Grief” — a book…
Child Loss: Saying “Happy Birthday” When Our Child is Gone
Never in one million years did I think I’d ever be faced with the agony of how to celebrate my child’s birthday after his death. Yet, it happened to me just as it happens to thousands of parents every year. Yet, strangely enough, we don’t talk about how to do this. Why? Because truthfully, society seems to shun talk of death — especially the death of child. Add to that the fact that we want to honor our child’s “birthday” after death, and we often get stares from people like we’ve gone totally crazy. Today, let’s push aside all thoughts about what others think. I’m going to share some thoughts…
Child Loss: What Happens When there is Little Support?
When child loss occurs, nobody knows what to say or do. So, many times people say whatever pops into their minds, and that’s usually never a good thing and offers very little, if any support. When I delivered my little Samuel, I held him close to me as my tears drenched his face. He was born still. I knew ahead of time that his heart had stopped beating, but never did I dream that my heart would stop beating, too, when he entered this world. Even though he was not alive, I still felt safe and close to him when his body was still inside of mine. Does that makes sense? It’s…
Child Loss: Seeing Our Child After Death
People don’t like to talk about this subject. They say it’s too disturbing. But, worse is when it happens to you and you’re not expecting it, and then you believe you’re crazy. Sometimes we honestly believe we can see our child who died walking among the living. You didn’t lose your mind. This is all part of your grief, and it’s time people began talking about it! When my sister died at age thirteen, I was devastated! I was only fifteen, and nobody had prepared me at all about death. Why would they? It’s something you don’t really think much about at that age. And, truthfully, death isn’t a topic that…
Child Loss: Where Are My Friends?
“What happened? Where are my friends?” Those are probably two of the most pain-filled questions that parents and families of child loss ask following the death of a child. This seems to be the one thing that is misunderstood the most by grieving parents.
Child Loss: Things People Say
Losing a child is horrible. There is no description that can define the pain. Unless you’ve lived it, you can’t fully “get it”, and there’s not one person who has experienced the loss of a child that would wish this kind of pain on anyone — not even their worst enemy. There are some things that are a blur and will always remain a blur following the death of my thirteen year old sister and then later on following the loss of my son and six miscarried babies. But, the things that remain clear to me are the things that were said to me during my darkest hours of grief. The words…
Child Loss: The Secret in My Dresser Drawer
Twenty five years ago something happened in my life that I didn’t think I could live through. One day I was happily pregnant anticipating a new baby joining our family. And, then without warning I didn’t feel any of the kicks and somersaults that I looked forward to all throughout the day and night. My body was so still and it was frightening. I was too afraid to move. Too afraid to say anything. Too afraid to allow my thoughts to enter that dark chamber where I knew my heart was going to receive news that would cause my heart to break in two. I waited ’til morning to call the doctor. Maybe I…