• Uncategorized

    Who would I be if my son had lived?

    Have you ever thought about who you would be today if your child hadn’t died? I know we think a lot about who our child would have been, but what about us, the mothers and fathers, left behind? My son died when he was 42. He had dreams of building a vacation home at “the homestead” — in the field where he grew up. I would have loved that! He and I talked about that a lot! His last trip home before his death we walked the field that adjoins my home and he and I stood on the spot where he wanted to place his home. “Can you see…

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    Going Into the New Year Without My Child

    The New Year has arrived, but it didn’t arrive fresh and new with a clean slate like promised. For me the lingering pain of child loss resides in my heart and has taken permanent residence. I guess I wasn’t expecting the pain to go away; but I was hoping it would somehow feel lighter this year. It doesn’t. 

  • Child Loss,  Symptoms of grief,  Why year two of child loss is often worse

    The Grief of Child Loss Hurts Worse in Year Two!

    Nobody can really explain what the pain of losing a child is like.  It’s a pain that only those experiencing can understand.  Undeniably, it’s the worst pain anyone will ever go through! Naively, I thought the pain of losing my son would feel a lot    better in year two.  Was I in for a heart-wrenching surprise!  That second year knocked me to my knees and left me feeling so empty that I didn’t even know if I was truly alive on most days.

  • Child Loss,  Mother's Day without my child

    Mother’s Day Without My Child

    I marked the date on my calendar months ago.  I’m feeling the pressing ache in my heart more and more with each passing day.  Mother’s Day used to be such a day of celebration, but not any more. This is the second Mother’s Day without my son, and the pain has grown increasingly worse with each passing day.  I keep telling myself that this is just another day, but that’s a lie.  This is Mother’s Day, a day is is supposed to be celebrated.  Instead, I’m facing it with a brokenness that is unable to be fixed!

  • Child Loss,  Healing after child loss,  Symptoms of grief

    “Child Loss Changed Me Overnight and I Don’t Like the New Me!”

    We’ve all heard the expression that a person turned gray overnight. Well, I didn’t turn gray overnight when my son died, but I turned into a different person — a person I don’t always like. Yes, my physical appearance has changed. When I look into the mirror the twinkle in my eyes isn’t there. My hair doesn’t shine any more. My skin has a strange color — dull, and has lost elasticity. In a word, I aged overnight. That’s what a broken heart will do!

  • Child Loss,  Healing after child loss,  Self-Care after child loss,  Symptoms of grief,  Triggers of Child Loss

    Today I Found His Obituary and My Tears Wouldn’t Stop

    Garbage.  Garbage.  Garbage.  I’m cleaning files at my office, and tossing out files from fifteen years ago.  It was getting late, and I was grabbing one more pile of papers to toss into the garbage, when I stopped — frozen.  I looked.  I stared.  As I began to read the words my tears began.  Tears poured from my eyes.  I began to choke on my sobs. There it was.  My son’s obituary from a year ago.  

  • Child Loss,  Getting through Easter Wtihout Your Child,  How to Validate Your Child's Life after Death

    Easter: Another Holiday Without My Child

    Any way you look at child loss it ends up being the same. It hurts like nothing else in the entire world. We get to the point of where we think we just cannot go on any longer because we miss our child so bad. Others try to help us. They try to do everything in their power to take away our pain, but really there’s nothing that anyone else can do to “fix” this hurt. Child loss is the  “unfixable” loss.    

  • Child Loss,  Healing after child loss

    How Do We Find our “New Normal” Following Child Loss?

    Following the loss of a child, we become familiar with the term “new normal.”  We read it in books, and we hear the term in grief classes we attend, from our Pastor, and many times we hear the words “new normal” from our doctor.  When I became a bereaved mom, the words “new normal” were words I held onto tightly.  Why?  Because any kind of normal following the loss of a child would feel good!  When child loss take place, there is nothing — absolutely nothing — that feels normal anymore! 

  • Child Loss,  Stillbirth

    Child Loss: This is Not Real!

    We all know that the possibility of death is always there.  We understand that, but somehow we just never combine that possibility with the death of a child.  We’re thinking in terms of other people  than children — grandparents, an aunt who lived to be nearly a hundred, or the neighbor we knew who lived in the nursing home for the past twenty years. Never, ever do we think death is going to touch us in the form of child loss!  And, when it does, our first reaction is often, “This is not real!  It can’t be!  My child is alive.  This is some kind of mistake.”  We freeze and won’t…

  • Child Loss,  Honoring Your Child's Birthday,  Sibling Loss,  Stillbirth

    Child Loss: Saying “Happy Birthday” When Our Child is Gone

    Never in one million years did I think I’d ever be faced with the agony of how to celebrate my child’s birthday after his death.  Yet, it happened to me just as it happens to thousands of parents every year.  Yet, strangely enough, we don’t talk about how to do this.  Why?  Because truthfully, society seems to shun talk of death —  especially the death of child.  Add to that the fact that we want to honor our child’s “birthday” after death, and we often get stares from people like we’ve gone totally crazy. Today, let’s push aside all thoughts about what others think.  I’m going to share some thoughts…