Why It’s Important to Talk About Your Children Who Are No Longer Here
Have you ever noticed how much people clam up and will not mention a child’s name when child loss has taken place? To bereaved parents, this is one of the biggest hurts of all. What we need — what we’re wanting so desperately — is to know that our child has not been forgotten! Hearing our child’s name spoken is the sweetest name we can ever hear!
What (not) to Say to a Parent Who Has Lost a Child
I am a bereaved mom. And, that is a very, very, very difficult statement for me to say. Why? Because that one sentence makes child loss in my life “real.” I have suffered the pain of six miscarriages, one stillborn baby boy, and now most recently the sudden, unexpected death of my firstborn son. My heart is broken. My grief cannot be described in words — only in feelings. And, I know with complete certainty that my life has been changed forever.
Child Loss: The Day Heaven Became Real
I grew up going to Sunday School and reading the Bible and hearing stories about how great heaven was — no tears, no sickness, no night. It sure did sound good to me, but it didn’t sound real. In fact, a lot of nights I’d lay in bed and worry about dying. I wondered if there really was a place called heaven or if it was just a made-up story — a fairytale told to make kids be good at night and fall asleep quicker. “Dream of how happy heaven will be. Just close your eyes and think about heaven. You’ll fall asleep before you know it.” When my thirteen-year-old sister…
Child Loss: Who Am I?
When my son died I no longer knew who I was. I was lost. I felt as though half of me was missing. I felt transparent to the world — like everyone could see right through me and see that my heart was broken and bleeding. My mind raced and my tears flowed and I cried out to whoever would listen. “Who am I? I don’t know who I am any more!” And, the truth is that I really didn’t know who I was when my son died. Was I Samuel’s mom? Was I still a mother? Was I an ex-mother? Who was I? Suddenly my identity changed and there…
Child Loss: I’m So Lost Without My Child!
Twenty-four years ago I experienced a pit of grief like I never want to experience ever again. My son died. The moment Samuel’s soul left this earth, he took part of me with him — a part of my heart and a part of my soul and I knew that those parts of “us” would never return again. I was lost. And scared. And felt so alone. For the first time in my life I didn’t know if I could go on living.
Child Loss: How to Talk to a Grieving Parent
Why is it that so many people think they know “exactly how you feel” when child loss occurs? If I had a nickel for every time somebody told me they knew exactly how I felt after I lost my child, I’d have a stack of nickels a mile high. Truthfully, nobody knows exactly how a grieving parent, grandparent, or sibling feels after the death of a child. I understand that people mean well, but it’s time they understand that those words shouldn’t be spoken — ever — following the loss of a child! So, what do you say to a parent who is grieving the loss of their child? Do you…
Child Loss: If I Could Change One Thing in My LIfe…..
Have you ever wondered about the answer to this question: “What is the one thing that, if given the chance to change, you would change in your life?” I think about this all of the time as I play different scenarios in my head. If this would happen, then that would be the result. “If I had not been born into a poor family, then this is how my life would be now.” “If I hadn’t been born terribly shy, then I could have gone on to be a super motivating public speaker.” “If I didn’t have such a large nose (that always bothered me — I have a larger…
Child Loss: The Shadow of Fear
When our lives are touched by the loss of a child, many things happen to us that change us from the inside out. Aside from life-long pain and grief, other changes occur that we’re often afraid to mention for fear of thinking we’re the only one or that we might be wrongly judged. Fear. The fear that accompanies child loss is overwhelming. We fear all kinds of things — fear of the future, fear of today, fear of never being able to smile again, fear of not having enough strength and hope to go on in this life, but most of all we fear something that we’re almost hesitant to say…
Child Loss: Will My Marriage Survive?
When my sister Carmella died at age thirteen my parents were already separated. Her illness had taken a toll on the marriage. And, I’ll be quite honest with you by saying that it felt like our family was shipwrecked. Our faith in God was shattered. Friends seemed scarce. Family seemed even more scarce. And, my mom and dad shut down and stopped communicating with each other. The end result of this strain and stress was a divorce. They both parted ways following my sister’s death leaving our family even more broken than it already was. Why? Why do so many marriages fall apart following the death of a child? We’ll…
Child Loss: The Empty Place at the Table
Losing a child creates all kinds of emotions that we’ve never felt before. There is an inner emptiness that can never be described in human terms. We know what it feels like to miss someone we love………..but to miss a child is so very different from any kind of sorrow known to mankind. There is a yearning, a longing, a feeling of being so incomplete that our heart feels like it’s going to break in two. There is an emptiness that reaches clear into our very souls! For those who don’t know, my name is Clara Hinton, and I’m the author of the book, “Silent Grief” — a book…