Welcome to the Silent Grief Child Loss Support Blog!

Many of you already know me from previous writings about child loss on Facebook, on the ClaraHinton.com Website, on the SilentGrief.com website which actually began many years ago, and through the book Silent Grief.

And, now look at us — here we are meeting together to form another way to support each other through this journey of child loss. I am looking forward to talking with you, and helping you through this grief walk.

It’s my hope that we’ll become like a “family” here, and that we will get to know one another and learn from each other about what is helping us get through this pain known as child loss. I’m convinced that the pain and grief of child loss never, ever totally goes away.  The pain has moments of growing more calm, but just about when you think you have things under control, a trigger appears and the pain arises out of nowhere when you least expect it!

I thought I’d begin by introducing myself to those who are new, and also by giving you a bit of my background about how I became passionate about creating ways for families of child loss to get much-needed ongoing support.

My name is Clara Hinton, and the very first time that “child loss” meant something to me was when my sister Carmella died at the age of thirteen.  To this day I cannot put into words how her death touched every area of my life!  It was truly the most horrible, lonely pain I’ve ever experienced.  I liken it to hell.  Carmella died alone in the Atlantic City Hospital in New Jersey.  I will talk about the story of her death later on as we get to know each other more.  I have just recently forgiven myself after many, many years of living with guilt and shame for the part I played in her dying “alone” — away from all family.  Nobody should have to leave this earth alone — especially not a scared little girl who wanted nothing more than to have her family by her side.

My life has been blessed with living children, but at the age of twenty-two something happened to me that I never dreamed would be part of my life.  I miscarried my first baby.  This miscarriage took place during a time when there was little communication about what a miscarriage was, and I was scared out of my mind when I began to hemorrhage finally ending with passing my baby at home.  To this day, I still have occasional nightmares from that loss.

Sometimes life leads us down a road we never thought we’d travel.  Throughout the course of my married life, I lost six babies to miscarriage and delivered one stillborn baby boy, Samuel.  He was precious beyond words.  Sadly, I do not have one picture of my sweet little baby boy.

The grief from these losses felt at times like I couldn’t go on living.  I didn’t share my pain with others because, quite truthfully, it was during a time when very little was said about child loss.  Women were somehow expected to be stoic and strong.  How that’s possible when experiencing the pain of child loss, I do not know!

After years of struggling with emotional pain, panic attacks, depression from loss, and  not knowing how or where to find any type of healing or relief from this pain, a book was born.  During the dark hours of the night over the course of nearly a year, my heart poured out onto the pages of a book called “Silent Grief.”  If you haven’t read the book yet, I hope that you will.  I know that you will identify with so much of what is shared in this book.  And, anybody who has experienced the loss of a child knows that we need validation more than anything else when seeking support.

Thank you so much for visiting.  My plans are to post something meaningful two times a week, and I’m hoping that you’ll join in and share your thoughts so that together we can grow a community of supporters.  Be sure to enter your email address to subscribe to this blog.  You’ll be given a brief email notification that another post has been made.  I know you won’t want to miss even one word about what is said!

By the way, my two biggest hobbies are photography (mostly nature pictures) and gardening. I love both and can be found outside anytime the sun is shining!

I’m so happy to be here talking with you, and I’m looking forward to your comments, thoughts, and your questions as we travel this journey of child loss together!

Love,

Clara

PS  A big thank you to TheJenProject for the picture of me.  Jen is not only a great photographer, but a special friend!