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Every parent of loss needs to tell their story….

I never knew how important it was for parents of child loss to tell their story until I became one of those parents. If you’re like me, though, finding people to listen has not been easy!

I’m sure you’ve heard things like, “that’s too sad”, “you need to move on”, “don’t keep living in the past.” We’ve heard those things time and time again, and yet…..we still feel that empty hole that aches and throbs and ” we need to tell our story.”

Sometimes it’s not the pain of losing our child that is the most empty feeling. Instead, it’s knowing that NOBODY is there to listen. NOBODY seems to care. NOBODY wants to hear the story of our child, and that is crushing!

So, what do we do? For me, I began writing. I have experienced multiple miscarriages, the death of an infant son by stillbirth, and the death of an adult son to a massive heart attack. None of the losses were any less tragic. Every time my heart shattered just a bit more. There were times it felt like my heart was shredded and there was nothing left but dangling drops of blood.

I found when I wrote, my heart felt less empty. I didn’t care if anyone was listening specifically to me. I just knew that I felt some of the pain lifted.

Then, I created an online support group. That helped so much!!!!!!! I found that others really did listen, AND I could in turn listen to their stories of loss. Together we began to find a sense of worth and a bit of hope.

When telling our stories — no matter how we find to do that — we also find pieces of the grief begin to soften, and new seeds of hope begin to take root.

We will always and forever miss our child. That’s a fact. There will always be a place that doesn’t feel whole inside. BUT, when we tell our story, we also begin to understand that we never were really alone. There are others who really do care and understand. There are others traveling this road with us. There are others who will listen.

Tell your story. Find a way. Tell it here if you choose. Trust me that when you tell your story, you will feel the burden of grief grow just a little bit lighter and less raw.

I am listening. I will be here to read your story. I am here to help you find your way.

Love,

Clara

If you want to visit with me personally, you might like this course on grief.

Book on Child Loss

Hope For the Grieving Heart

32 Comments

  • Donald Huggins

    I lost my 16 year old daughter to suicide 3 months ago by hanging her self and I blame myself for not being home at the time as I could have maybe stopped her she was my wee angel and I feel dead inside now

    • Clara Hinton

      I’m so, so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious daughter to suicide. I think that’s one of the most painful deaths because of so many unanswered questions and so much guilt laying on the heart of a parent. I wish I could sit face-to-face with you. I’d listen for hours and then I’d listen some more. I think that as parents of loss, we understand that feeling of being dead inside. We’re numb to everything except the pain we feel as we grieve the loss of our child. I know that nothing in the world will ever take away all of this pain you’re feeling right now, but I want you to know that I sincerely care. I hope so much that there will be a day when you don’t blame yourself for not being home. We never truly get “over” grief, but there is a day when we learn how to “get through” our grief. Holding you so very close in my thoughts and prayers. Again, I’m so very sorry.

      • Melinda Rambow

        I was in a relationship with this guy for about 9 almost 10 years we had a daughter together and I had a previous child, his name is Andy, who at the time was 15, the relationship wasn’t the best lots of mental abuse once or twice it was physical so both my kids were staying with my mom and my dad because I couldn’t allow them to witness what I was allowing to happen and I wanted so bad for my family to be okay so I was trying to fix it when one day I’d left again n went to my mom’s house with my kids n Lexys dad came to stay the night with me and my fifteen-year-old son comes out to me and he ask me why his sisters dad was there because he didn’t deserve me and I shouldn’t be giving him any more time, I tried to explain to him love and how in a family it is working stuff out n the chances you give, again Andy brought up the physical altercations me and the guy had, Andy brought up alot of really good points as to why the guy shouldn’t be there and again i tried to explain to him how love works when he calmly interrupted me and told me “Mom it’s me or him either he leaves or I do!” I begged and I tried to make Andy understand n ultimately I watched Andy walk out the door with his girlfriend to go to his girlfriend’s house. That night I had a dream that me and e his girlfriend and a younger friend of theirs we were in a horrible car wreck woke up that next morning and I felt like I’ve been run over by 20 buses got a phone call that my boy wasn’t in school and my gut new but I started to look for him…. everyone in my family refuse to go help me look for him so I would love to do it alone with and his girlfriend family Winx searched between 5 and 6 hours when we got a phone call has to go to a County that we would never go to it’s a family that my son at and never been in sheriff’s department when we got to the sheriff’s department I was told to stop into the bright yellow room and I refused, there was no way I was going in that room because I knew what those rooms her for and I didn’t murder anybody he finally talked me into going into the room and it’s a cop is sitting there explaining to me how they have two unidentified teens in their morgue and they been searching for the family and had no idea who these kids were until they got Halsted they were parents looking for children in hospitals and jails so they ran the names and it’s the kappa saying that he flipped the first page of the stack of papers he had and I see my son’s picture it went to Facebook and they found out who the kids were never getting ready to notify us when we showed up there my boy was laying in the morgue he’d been in a horrible car wreck… The wreck happened between 2 and 3 in the morningthe neighbors all thought they heard a crash and a place where there were 11 other fatalities previously to my boy they come to the conclusion that was a dog barking and they went back to bed. At 8am the first call was put in by a passerby, they seen the mangled car and called it in, all three were dead, my son his girlfriend and the driver, the driver’s alcohol blood content was three times the legal limit and the dream I had once the police report came out matched the police report identically, I had a dream and I watched my son die along with two other children.. because I chose a man over my child, a man who I’m no longer with, a month after losing my boy he was already seeing another girl n had kicked me in the face breaking my nose in front of our daughter I finally had enough n stayed gone. I’m told how wrong I am for hating myself because of the choices I made but my choice didn’t just kill my child it also killed two other children, if I would have made my daughter’s dad leave my son would have stayed home and he would still be home it’s been just over three years and every year it gets harder and everyone keeps telling me it’s not my fault I could have never known that this was going to happen but if I would have done what a good mother does I would have chose my child over the scum that I chose, my son n those 2 other children would still be here! Now everyday I wake up n have fight to get out of bed because every day I wake up and I hate myself a little more for taking my daughter’s best friend from her for ultimately taking my son’s life n everyday I hate the fact that I am still breathing and he is not! he was only 15 he still had a full life ahead of him, he was going places in life and I took it all away from him and everyday I get to look in the mirror and I get to be reminded of just how crappy of a mother I am and everyday it hurts a little more! what I wouldn’t give to turn back time and make the right choice what I wouldn’t give to have him here, what I wouldn’t give just to be able to tell him how sorry I am that I didn’t listen, how truly truly sorry I am for the choice I made that day…. what I wouldn’t give to hug him and tell him I’m sorry and I love him…..

        • Clara Hinton

          There is so, so much heartbreak in your story. I’m so very, very sorry. When a person is in an abusive relationship, very rarely do they make wise choices. The reason is because when we’re abused, we lose all self-worth and we no longer trust ourselves. Sadly, your son saw far beyond what you saw and wanted you to get out of such an abusive relationship. But, the abuse stopped you from walking away. You must — really, really must — begin to forgive yourself for not having the courage to walk away that fateful night. YOU were NOT the cause of the accident that took those lives. Alcohol impairs everything and obviously the driver should not have been behind the wheel of the car that took your son’s life. The best thing you can do from this time forward is to become an advocate for those in abusive situations. Explain to others how abuse strangles us from seeing the truth. Explain how powerful the abuser is over us. Explain how damaging and horrible abuse is! You can honor your son’s life by helping others in these terrible situations. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your son. He sounds like a fine young man, and you can be so proud of him for thinking so much of you. Please take care of yourself and stay in touch with us here. I know that you will be able to find lots of support here.

        • Tamara (Tami) Kalbrier

          I lost my son in a car/train wreck in 1999. It was his 17th birthday. There were 4 teens in that car but my son was the driver. I have a daughter who was 5 years old at the time. She has Down Syndrome. My mom (who meant well) kept telling people my daughter was lucky because I was so strong. I didn’t want to be strong. I wanted someone to be strong for me. Then there was a law suit against the railroad. The railroad’s attorney said that my son was a murderer because he drove the car. The other families (my friends) were advised to let me go first because if I won anything it would become my son’s estate and they could sue me for that. My attorney got angry with me because I said I didn’t want their money. If they gave me a million dollars it would not bring my son back. I wanted lights and gates at that crossing so others would not have to go through what I went through. It will be 20 years this November and I miss him like it was yesterday. People avoid you because they don’t know what to say. They don’t understand that I love talking about him and hearing other people’s memories of him. It didn’t take long to learn that nearly all my friends have lost at least 1 child and some have several angels.
          My heart breaks for others who are new to a club they never wanted to belong to. If I could tell others one thing it’s that words are unnecessary. If you want to console a grieving parent just be there. Give them a hug and if they need to talk just listen. Thank you for listening.

      • Mariah

        My baby died in a house fired barely 2 weeks ago! I miss her so much and i wish I could have gotten to her. She was 5 days away from turning 11 months! She was my everything and still is. God it hurts so bad! We are on the very edge of being homeless too! Idk what to do. We lost everything including 5 other family memembers. We were the only 2 that made it out alive. I tried so hard to save my baby! But she went in peace! https://www.facebook.com/donate/2306848916030703/?fundraiser_source=external_url
        Help us in this awful timing please. If you dont believe me look up Pickeral Wi house fire

        • Clara Hinton

          Mariah, How horrible! How tragic! I cannot imagine the state of shock and sadness you’re experiencing right now! I visited the FB page for donations, and I see you have many people responding to help you, and I know there will be more. Have you checked with all of your local agencies to help you with housing, clothing, advances on rent, etc.? I know in PA where I live, there are several agencies who give emergency help in situations like yours to help you get back onto your feet, in a home, and get clothes on your back. Did you have any kind of insurance on your belongings? My sister and her son lost all of their belongings in a house fire, and I know how terribly painful this can be, BUT I cannot imagine losing a baby and so many other family members. I urge you to also get some kind of counseling set up to help you through this horrific trauma. I will continue to check your FB page for updates, and I urge you to please check into all the things that I suggested. Help is available. I know it’s often hard and confusing as to where to go, but begin with your local Red Cross and then work from there. Please, please seek some counseling as you begin to digest all of this in the weeks and months to come. You are most definitely in my thoughts and prayers. May God calm your weary heart and bless you with only happy memories of your precious baby.

    • Melinda Rambow

      I was in a relationship with this guy for about 9 almost 10 years we had a daughter together and I had a previous child, his name is Andy, who at the time was 15, the relationship wasn’t the best lots of mental abuse once or twice it was physical so both my kids were staying with my mom and my dad because I couldn’t allow them to witness what I was allowing to happen and I wanted so bad for my family to be okay so I was trying to fix it when one day I’d left again n went to my mom’s house with my kids n Lexys dad came to stay the night with me and my fifteen-year-old son comes out to me and he ask me why his sisters dad was there because he didn’t deserve me and I shouldn’t be giving him any more time, I tried to explain to him love and how in a family it is working stuff out n the chances you give, again Andy brought up the physical altercations me and the guy had, Andy brought up alot of really good points as to why the guy shouldn’t be there and again i tried to explain to him how love works when he calmly interrupted me and told me “Mom it’s me or him either he leaves or I do!” I begged and I tried to make Andy understand n ultimately I watched Andy walk out the door with his girlfriend to go to his girlfriend’s house. That night I had a dream that me and e his girlfriend and a younger friend of theirs we were in a horrible car wreck woke up that next morning and I felt like I’ve been run over by 20 buses got a phone call that my boy wasn’t in school and my gut new but I started to look for him…. everyone in my family refuse to go help me look for him so I would love to do it alone with and his girlfriend family Winx searched between 5 and 6 hours when we got a phone call has to go to a County that we would never go to it’s a family that my son at and never been in sheriff’s department when we got to the sheriff’s department I was told to stop into the bright yellow room and I refused, there was no way I was going in that room because I knew what those rooms her for and I didn’t murder anybody he finally talked me into going into the room and it’s a cop is sitting there explaining to me how they have two unidentified teens in their morgue and they been searching for the family and had no idea who these kids were until they got Halsted they were parents looking for children in hospitals and jails so they ran the names and it’s the kappa saying that he flipped the first page of the stack of papers he had and I see my son’s picture it went to Facebook and they found out who the kids were never getting ready to notify us when we showed up there my boy was laying in the morgue he’d been in a horrible car wreck… The wreck happened between 2 and 3 in the morningthe neighbors all thought they heard a crash and a place where there were 11 other fatalities previously to my boy they come to the conclusion that was a dog barking and they went back to bed. At 8am the first call was put in by a passerby, they seen the mangled car and called it in, all three were dead, my son his girlfriend and the driver, the driver’s alcohol blood content was three times the legal limit and the dream I had once the police report came out matched the police report identically, I had a dream and I watched my son die along with two other children.. because I chose a man over my child, a man who I’m no longer with, a month after losing my boy he was already seeing another girl n had kicked me in the face breaking my nose in front of our daughter I finally had enough n stayed gone. I’m told how wrong I am for hating myself because of the choices I made but my choice didn’t just kill my child it also killed two other children, if I would have made my daughter’s dad leave my son would have stayed home and he would still be home it’s been just over three years and every year it gets harder and everyone keeps telling me it’s not my fault I could have never known that this was going to happen but if I would have done what a good mother does I would have chose my child over the scum that I chose, my son n those 2 other children would still be here! Now everyday I wake up n have fight to get out of bed because every day I wake up and I hate myself a little more for taking my daughter’s best friend from her for ultimately taking my son’s life n everyday I hate the fact that I am still breathing and he is not! he was only 15 he still had a full life ahead of him, he was going places in life and I took it all away from him and everyday I get to look in the mirror and I get to be reminded of just how crappy of a mother I am and everyday it hurts a little more! what I wouldn’t give to turn back time and make the right choice what I wouldn’t give to have him here, what I wouldn’t give just to be able to tell him how sorry I am that I didn’t listen, how truly truly sorry I am for the choice I made that day…. what I wouldn’t give to hug him and tell him I’m sorry and I love him…..

    • amanda hopkins

      My beautiful boy Riley passed away from unexplained SIDS at 8 months of age on the 28th July 2015. He was abundantly happy, healthy and loved and will be every day. His name pounds through my head every moment of every day. He is so loved and missed every moment by all of especially his amazing siblings.
      Facebook- remembering Riley James Hopkins- Davies.
      Hopefully if nothing else our story will help another family through their grief journey.

    • Clara Hinton

      Anna, I’m heartbroken to hear your son was murdered. Even the word “murdered” is cold and harsh. I’m so very, very sorry. Please know that if you ever want to share more of your story, we are hear to listen to you, to love you, and to support you. My heart hurts with you over the loss of your son.

      • Tandra

        My son Brandon was 31, he was diagnosed with lung cancer 2 1/2 years ago, already stage 3. He fought hard. We went to the doctor May 9, she said she thought the new round of chemotherapy would slow the progression and he probably had two years, we went home. 2 weeks later on May 25, 2019 our daughter inlaw had to call us and tell us our son was gone. He had developed blood clots and died from a pulmonary embolism. I was 17 when i had him, he changed my world then and now. I miss him with every breath i take.

  • Carl

    I was a parent to 4 children, Leo 12, Robin 8, Beau 3 and Adeline 1. Life was hard as my ex partner of Leo and Robin lived in the ole of man. We got the eldest two on holidays despite at least one of their wishes. Anyway I’d done this complete journey every holiday there and back just to see my children. This happened for a couple of years and then on the the 10th April 2018 my eldest son died due to an asthma attack and the ambulance turning up 40 minutes to late.
    We’ve had a letter of apology from the east anglia ambulance service but means to us. Had lots of companies offer a law suit but we just want what’s due. Am apology and the rear to assume U.K. or a bench or cross as well!!

    Kindest regards
    Carl Berry
    His dad

    • Clara Hinton

      Carl,
      Oh, how sad I am to read this! My younger sister died due to an asthma attack at the age of thirteen. Asthma is terrible. My sister was taken to the hospital by ambulance when she had that final asthma attack. We will always wonder if they had come sooner would she have lived? My heart aches with you over the loss of your son. Twenty minutes feels like an eternity when a child cannot get proper air. I hope that you get your wishes of a proper apology and a bench and cross. I wish that every child could have the blessing of enjoying a healthy, carefree life. This life is so hard sometimes, and can be so very painful. I hope there will be a day when the happy memories of your son overshadow the daily reminders of his death. Please know my thoughts are with you.

  • Amanda

    1998 I had twins at 23 weeks my little girl weighed 1lb 5oz my little boy weighed 1lb 71/2 oz my little girl died at 13 days old she had too much wrong with her my son was in hospital for 41/2 months he is now 21 and doing well he has a speech problem but he is ok. I hate it when people say time heals coz it doesn’t I love and miss my daughter every day.xx

    • Clara Hinton

      Amanda,
      Oh, how much I understand! My son was 25 1/2 weeks when I lost him. There are still so many reminders each and every day. Having lost one of your twins is particularly painful — I’m sure that it always feels as though one-half is missing. I’m so thankful that your son is living and doing well. What a blessing that is! Have you done anything special in memory of your daughter? I have an engraved marker at home with my son’s name on it and I keep a special flower garden in his memory. That has been so helpful to me and perhaps something like that would help you, too. I’d love to hear back from you to see if you’ve done anything in your daughter’s memory that has been comforting. I’ve found that when we share, we receive an extra blessing of encouragement. My thoughts are with you. I’m so thankful you’ve been able to share your story.

      • Jessica

        I lost my son 10-29-18 to what his friends say was an accident. he was shot point blank range in the back of the head. The friend says they were playing. He was 19 years young and 3 days shy of starting college. The same night around 8 i spoke with him telling him about school and my upcoming week. We laughed he said bye chiiii something we absolutely never say. I said i love you and im turning my phone off so i can get some rest. The family had visited a nearby state park for the weekend and we were all exhausted. Around 1 that morning i was awaken by my spouse screaming Jessica get up ladarius had been shot. I turned my phone on and had about 30 voicemail. My sister didn’t have the courage to tell me my son was dead. I called his dad and ask what hospital he was at he said at the morgue. I collapsed in my floor screaming to the top of my lungs. I woke my 16yr old daughter but only god knows how my 11 yr old slept through the chaos. My husband helped me get dressed and we rushed to my moms house. Before i had even spoken with police or the coroner facebook had wenr viral about his death. That killed me all over again. Thats only the beginning of my nightmare on 4-10-19 my husband took his own life as depression after my son was killed got the best of him. My son was a supervisor at his job that my husband helped him get
        The friend who killed him was one of my sons workers. My husband felt getting him the job caused him hid life and forever grief. The burden of thinking that alone was in my opinion the reason he took his life. Not knowing it would only add to my grief. There is a little light at the end of my tunnel. On May 3rd i walked across stage and received my masters degree and on I start my PHD in criminology on August 9th. Despite my severe depression i know god has a bigger plan for me and my 2 children i have here with me. I pray my story gives you a little strength to keep pushing. No matter how big the battle god is and will always be your strength.

        Jess

  • Rebecca Taylor

    Last September 28,2018, I received a call no parent wishes for. It was a social worker telling me my son had been brought to the hospital and to get there quickly, but drive safe. My heart sunk…I went alone and was not prepared for those words “Rebecca are you here alone”? I reply yes, my daughter was another half hour away and I told my husband to stay home. On my way I looked on a Facebook page for motorcyclists and saw my son and a school bus had collided. I felt sick to my stomach. Then the doctors came in and confirmed what I already knew. I felt like I could hear people talking, but I wasn’t in that room, that part was with my son and so badly wanting to trade places for him. He was only 28. My heart aches every second of each minute of every hour. How I want someone to tell me it’s a bad dream. If that weren’t enough to deal, the bus drivers daughter found me on Facebook and told me her mother didn’t know she hit someone and thought she had a flat tire. I am not only grieving but pissed as hell. Then the daughter says thank God for a witness who stayed with your son as my mother couldn’t stick around. Who does that? The final comment was my mom is in counseling, would you like to join her? How does one resonate pure arrogance and stupidity? My son would have turned 29 on June 30th. My reality is I have to sleep with a sweater he last hugged me with and I have to have his ashes with me at night. Otherwise no sleep for me. I have journaled, read books, but I am still in a fog. I look for my son everywhere…..look for those signs. Last but not least have even experienced those morons who tell me its been nine months, you should get over it. I will never be satisfied till it’s my turn and I am with him again. If there is anything you are able to help me with to cope, please help me.

    • Clara Hinton

      Rebecca,
      People can be so thoughtless with their words, and unfortunately you’ve had that happen to you several times over. I’m so sorry for the hurtful, careless words that you’ve heard since your son died. You’ve experienced the worst trauma any mother will ever experience — the death of her child. I wish there was some magical formula that we could give to one another that could help erase this kind of pain, but you and I know there isn’t. We each must face the brutal fact that our child died. And, that is one horribly brutal fact. It took me three years to finally say my son died (in 2015). It took me even longer to say those words when my baby boy died (thirty years ago). Each parent will arrive at that face-off with reality at a different time. And, what helps one parent, might not help another. For me, I found that writing and sharing my thoughts was so very helpful. I’m very verbal by nature, and I needed the interaction I found with other parents of loss. I needed to hear how other parents have coped, and that finally gave me the courage to step out of the fog and to face the reality of my son’s death. You will get to that point. I, like you, sleep with something of my son’s — a quilt that was made from his shirts. I find great comfort in that. I’ve created (with help) a beautiful garden in his memory and I have a bench engraved with his name and his favorite saying. I’ve spent long hours there — at first weeping, and now I mostly remember Mike as a vibrant young man who is still terribly missed by so many. Being alone with my thoughts in his garden help me tremendously. I’ve also found that I had to find a way to honor my son’s life. He had just begun giving money and time to an orphanage, so I have continued doing that in his memory. I get a feeling of comfort from that. I went through the anger — wondering why the paramedics didn’t take him to the hospital quicker. I’ve gotten angry thinking the medics gave up on my son too soon. But, those thoughts only made me fall deeper into my despair. So, after about two years, I had to block those thoughts from my mind. You’ll get to that point. You’ll know when it’s time. For now, just allow your heart to feel everything — pain, anger, sorry, emptiness — the whole array of emotions. That’s the best advice I can give you right now. Just allow yourself to feel it all. Keep reading about others who have walked this same path and have come through. That’s the kind of encouragement we need! Give yourself the gift of time. That helps. Time will never take everything away, but it does give us time to digest what has happened. Please message me privately if you want a link to some videos that I’ve posted for help (or you can view them on youtube — Clara Hinton. My love to you. Please don’t give up on life. You’ve had the worst blow to the heart you’ll ever experience. Give yourself some time to work through the many different emotions of loss you’re experiencing.

  • Denise Ackler

    My son, Shawner, basically was murdered when someone gave him all forms of Fentanyl. He had a major seizure and died on April 27th 2017. I was talking via text that night. When he didn’t answer my text after 2am, I thought he went to sleep. They estimated his time of death at 2am. He was my youngest, my heart. No one understands how I feel..why I still cry when I talk of him. I don’t understand why someone he thought he trusted gave him drugs that would kill him.. they knew it would, it was straight Fentanyl. I have so much hatred and rage for the person who took my 19yr old son from me. Today I found his toxicology report…it hit me like the day that he passed. I feel so dead inside, I feel just tired and empty. Nothing really gives me joy anymore. I do know if i didn’t have my daughter. I don’t know if I would be here, but I am, I wake..I go to work..I try to fake normalcy. I just miss my boy so much.

    • Clara Hinton

      Denise, How heartbreaking to hear of your son’s death. I’ll be the first to tell you that I don’t understand the world of drugs — i.e. those who “share” and “give” to friends. Friends don’t do that to friend! Never! I can only begin to imagine the many different emotions that swirl through your mind each and every day. I think that missing our children is such a feeling of emptiness that others who aren’t experiencing the loss of a child can never even begin to understand! I wish there was some “fix” for this kind of pain, but you and I (and countless others) know there isn’t anything that can fix this kind of emptiness. I do know this, though. You are alive. You are breathing. You have a daughter who is alive and breathing. And, you are much, much stronger than you think because you’re here! Thank you for telling your story — I urge you to tell it again and again. The more you tell the story of your “Shawner” the more you will learn how to live “within” this pain. It’s so hard to explain it with words — it’s just something that happens. By telling our stories, in a sense we are releasing just a wee bit of the pain. Sending my special thoughts and prayers to you today. I’m so glad you are here, and I hope you will receive strength and encouragement.

    • Clara Hinton

      Living with an alcoholic mother was frightening — especially when she drove with my sisters and I at high speeds. I can still remember praying out loud asking God to keep us safe and to keep all others on the road safe from her. Thankfully, at the age of forty, she handed in her license on her own and never got behind the wheel of a car again. Sadly, she drank herself to death. But, I will always be so thankful that she removed herself from endangering others on the road. I’m so, so, so sorry to hear of your daughter’s death by a drunk driver. I think every person who drinks and drives should be made to watch videos, attend classes, visit jails, and hear from parents who have lost loved ones from a drunk driver. I will preach it to the end of my life: If you drink, do it at home! Don’t get behind the wheel of a car! I’m so very sorry. Words are inadequate. But, be assured my heart grieves with you. Are you active in your local MADD chapter at all? This organization has done a LOT to help protect the innocent from drunk drivers! I hope and pray that you will tell your story, and tell it loud and clear! Some people just don’t “get it” that alcohol impairs, and it doesn’t take much! I am an advocate in your corner — and today my thoughts are especially with you. May there be a day when your heart is able to feel some peace. And, if ever you want to tell more of your story — I (we) are here to listen and to help give you encouragement. Much love to you.

  • Lorraine

    This has been the saddest journey I have ever felt. 3 years ago on the 8 March 2016 my daughter of 31 was diagnosed with breast cancer which eventually turned into metastatic breast cancer. She fought so hard and went through chemo therapy and radiation but could not fight anymore and she passed away 23 June 2018 leaving her 2 young boys of 3 and 5. My heart still cannot come to terms that I will never see her in body. My heart is just so shattered. I have an elder son but he lives in Sweden. I will never be the same. Regards Lorraine.

    • Clara Hinton

      Lorraine, I’m so very sorry. I think we all HATE the word cancer! My oldest daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer and the word still makes me shake inside. Chemotherapy and radiation are brutal in and of themselves. Your daughter was a hero in my book — a true, young, beautiful hero. I’m so very, very sorry for your loss. There is no other word except “devastating.” Do you get to see your grandsons? I hate when children are left behind without a parent. That’s another grief on another level. They don’t understand, and certainly didn’t deserve this, either. Cancer seems to have no favorites — it can strike anyone at any age, as you have seen. I pray there will be a day when your heart feels less raw and less empty. I think that all of us here are praying for that as we walk this frightening, painful journey of loss. Please know that we care and we are here to offer support and love. Continue to tell your story. It helps so much to tell your story, especially when you connect with others who have gone through something similar. It helps us feel so much less alone. My love to you.

  • Allison

    Allison
    I had four happy “healthy” children or at least that’s what I thought . All were very active 3 boys played football and my daughter did highland dancing. The youngest boy and my daughter were twins .sixyears ago the twins were 15 my daughter headed off to her dancing, little did we realise that wld be the last time we saw her alive. The phone rang to say she had collapsed at dancing, we thought possibly fainted due to heat and hurried over to get her. When we got their in just 7 mins paramedics were already working on her. We travelled under police escort to the nearest hospital where we watched terrorised as they tried valiantly to bring her back for an hour and a half but this was not to be ! Utterly devastated our whole world came crashing down. It got worse as her twin brother and eldest brother we’re diagnosed with the same heart condition passed onto them by me !!! Riddled with guilt we laid our princess to rest and tried to carry on as best we could in TIL January last year when her twin brother became very unwell after various hospital stays he was kept in on critical care meds to await a heart transplant and he was lucky at the end of April after four months waiting and on my birthday he got his new heart aged 20. They say when life gives u lemons make lemonade, well I don’t like lemonade anymore!!! That’s a brief outline of my story riddled with guilt and utter devastation but hey , life just keeps on going regardless, everyone else can move on with life whilst I’m stuck reliving everyday inthe land of “what if” it’s an unhappy place to be, but I can paint on a smile and function through daily tasks . I empathise with anyone experiencing loss it never leaves you for one minute, my condolences to all those suffering everyday, your not alone , it just feels that way sending my love and hugs to you all 💔💔💔💔

  • Clara Hinton

    Allison, What a shock! If you’re like me, I still tremble when the phone rings and I don’t know who it is. Everyone thought my son was so healthy, too. How devastating to lose a child so young and so completely unexpectedly. The truth is, we never really are in any way prepared for the death of a child. Never! I’m so thankful to hear that your son was able to have a transplant. Thank God for that! What a blessing that he was given another chance at a healthy life! In many ways, your daughter’s tragedy saved your son. If it wasn’t for her, your son wouldn’t have been diagnosed. I know that’s not much (if any) comfort right now, but one day that might give you a small fragment of comfort. I pray that it will. I hope that you are able to move beyond the guilt of being the one who carried this heart problem. We tend to over blame ourselves when a child dies always thinking we should have somehow saved our child. Sometimes it’s just not possible, and that takes a long, long, time to come to terms with. I understand what you’re saying about wearing the happy face mask — we all do it — some of us more than others. In a sense, it gives me a bit of sanity when I “pretend” on those especially deep, dark days when the pain of loss is so overwhelming. The mask, as I call it, is sometimes our escape — it’s not good to remain in that deep pit of despair all of the time. We all know that, yet the reminders of our child’s death seems to live within us and echoes within the very chambers of our heart. Again, I’m so very, very sorry for the loss of your daughter. It is my hope and prayer that there will be a day when you can feel some inner peace. Losing a child is traumatic — and that kind of trauma takes lots and lots of tender care to work though. We know we’ll never “get over” the loss of our child, but I know that it is possible to live “through” the pain. Please continue to tell your story to anyone who will listen. The more you tell it, the more you will be comforted. I don’t know how, but I do know it just works that way. My special thoughts are with you today.

  • Esmaralda Kamstra

    I miss my son 😢 Today five months ago he passed away in an accident… Whould give anything to have him back for just a moment 💔💜

  • Tangerine Mcdaniel

    I lost my middle son Garrison, July 7, 2019, he was only 10 years old when he left this world. My heart aches for him silently every day. Our family has changed forever, I won’t say eternity, because we will be reunited in the afterlife.

  • Adrienne

    I lost my 5 year old son last year and fell into a deep depression. I to also suffered from two miscarrages before I had my son. I just recently began blogging myself. I have found that writing helps tremendously. Telling my sons story is so important to me and it gives me such peace to get how im feeling in the moment. Your words are ny truth as well. Thank you for sharing

  • Peggy Crandell

    I write my story and my son’s story for multiple reasons. I write to release the pressure value on my emotional pressure cooker, silently screaming out grief, anger, blame, shame, extreme sadness, and about ten other emotions.

    I write about my son, so he is not forgotten and to bring him with me.

    I write to connect with people experiencing grief and their own Unimaginable.

    I first started posting stories on social media, and they grew large enough to start a blog.

    My son died by suicide. He was not struggling with mental illness. It was not anything we ever thought would happen. He was a fantastic person, being a big part of the lives of his friends and family. What I have learned is the brain can turn on you, and the only sense is ending the pain. It does not matter how much we love he has in his life.

    I miss him every day. He was a great person, and I lost him. You can read about me and my stories at https://lifewithoutmychild.com

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