Every bereaved parent has a burning question that needs to be answered. That question is, “When does healing take place after child loss?.” The pain following the loss of a child is so intense, so all-consuming, so life changing, that we are constantly searching for the answer to healing. It is human instinct to do everything possible as quickly as possible to get rid of pain. We long to feel healthy and whole. We long to be able to be joyful in our living. We want nothing more than to be able to smile and enjoy life to its fullest. As a mom who has suffered the loss of both an infant son and an adult son, I can tell you that my thoughts are consumed day and night with healing. I’ve cried out to God in my hours of despair asking “When? When will this pain end?.” It’s a terrible feeling to always be aware of the ache of loss within our heart. It’s extremely difficult to paste a smile on our face when inside we feel the crushing, squeezing pain of heartbreak.
Bereaved parents have become masters of deception out of necessity. We’ve learned to fake it because we know that our support for child loss often leaves rather quickly and the expectations from others are so hard on us to get back to living life that it’s often easier to fake our joy than to share our pain.
What an added burden of grief placed upon us to not be able to be our true selves and know that we will be surrounded by loving arms and encouraging words during our times of our deepest despair! How sad that we feel we must hide our true feelings!
I’ve come to the conclusion that we will never fully heal from the devastation of child loss. That doesn’t mean that we will never experience joy again. But, it does mean that we will never be the same person we were before the loss of our child.
After talking to thousands of bereaved parents throughout the past twenty- five years of my own personal journey through child loss, I’ve grown to understand that complete healing following the loss of a child will never take place. Not completely.
The subject of healing after child loss is discussed thoroughly in the book I’ve written about child loss and healing. Silent Grief is a book that will become your companion and your guide. This is a book written from the depths of my heart shortly after the death of my infant baby Samuel. Silent Grief is a book I wish I had after the loss of my baby boy.
I’d also like to share a few words of hope from my heart to yours as I talk parent-to-parent about healing after child loss in this short video.
Child loss is a journey. Child loss is a transition. Child loss is accompanied by deep grief. There is healing that takes place following the loss of a child, but not in the sense that the door to this loss can ever be completely closed and can never be reopened again.
We will always bear the sting and pain of child loss until we meet up again with our child in heaven.
We are now a changed person since the loss of our child. We think differently. Our priorities in life are different. We are more acutely aware of what matters in life and what doesn’t. We cling to hope. We long for heaven. We know this life on earth is brief.
And, we will always have a hole in our heart that reminds us that someone very special is missing.
As we travel this path of child loss, may we remind ourselves often that we’re not a failure if we say we haven’t completely healed. Rather, may we be brave enough to take off the mask and allow our vulnerability to let others know that it’s not shameful to miss our child and bear the scars of child loss for all the days of our lives!
Let’s cling to the hope. Let’s help each other on this journey. Let’s offer encouragement to each other along the way.
When does healing after child loss take place? Complete healing will never take place. Why? Because part of our heart is now gone, and there is nothing that can ever fully take away that pain until we are reunited again with our child.
My love to you,