Child Loss: I’m So Lost Without My Child!
Twenty-four years ago I experienced a pit of grief like I never want to experience ever again. My son died. The moment Samuel’s soul left this earth, he took part of me with him — a part of my heart and a part of my soul and I knew that those parts of “us” would never return again. I was lost. And scared. And felt so alone. For the first time in my life I didn’t know if I could go on living.
Child Loss: How to Talk to a Grieving Parent
Why is it that so many people think they know “exactly how you feel” when child loss occurs? If I had a nickel for every time somebody told me they knew exactly how I felt after I lost my child, I’d have a stack of nickels a mile high. Truthfully, nobody knows exactly how a grieving parent, grandparent, or sibling feels after the death of a child. I understand that people mean well, but it’s time they understand that those words shouldn’t be spoken — ever — following the loss of a child! So, what do you say to a parent who is grieving the loss of their child? Do you…
Child Loss: If I Could Change One Thing in My LIfe…..
Have you ever wondered about the answer to this question: “What is the one thing that, if given the chance to change, you would change in your life?” I think about this all of the time as I play different scenarios in my head. If this would happen, then that would be the result. “If I had not been born into a poor family, then this is how my life would be now.” “If I hadn’t been born terribly shy, then I could have gone on to be a super motivating public speaker.” “If I didn’t have such a large nose (that always bothered me — I have a larger…
Child Loss: The Shadow of Fear
When our lives are touched by the loss of a child, many things happen to us that change us from the inside out. Aside from life-long pain and grief, other changes occur that we’re often afraid to mention for fear of thinking we’re the only one or that we might be wrongly judged. Fear. The fear that accompanies child loss is overwhelming. We fear all kinds of things — fear of the future, fear of today, fear of never being able to smile again, fear of not having enough strength and hope to go on in this life, but most of all we fear something that we’re almost hesitant to say…
Child Loss: Unless You’ve Walked in My Shoes — Don’t Talk!
Note: This was written one year and three months before the death of my adult son. Little did I know how much more my grief would increase in just a few months! Since the original writing, I have written two books, Child Loss – the Heartbreak and the Hope and Hope 365. Not a day goes by without someone making comments to me that are questioning the validity of the intensity of pain a parent feels when child loss occurs. I understand that people are trying to “get it” when it comes to losing a child, but some comments are beyond my realm of thinking. “I loved my dog just…
Child Loss: Forgiving the Child That Died
Before I begin this blog post, please know that this is a subject that is often not mentioned. Almost never. Yet, I feel it’s something that we need to address if we’re ever going to come to terms with our child’s death and find some semblance of peace. I’ll use a personal experience as my reference, but ask that if you can find the strength and the words that you’ll comment at the end of the blog so that we can have some honest discussion about a very closed topic pertaining to child loss. Let me explain what I mean by “forgiving the child that died.” When a child dies,…
Child Loss: Will My Marriage Survive?
When my sister Carmella died at age thirteen my parents were already separated. Her illness had taken a toll on the marriage. And, I’ll be quite honest with you by saying that it felt like our family was shipwrecked. Our faith in God was shattered. Friends seemed scarce. Family seemed even more scarce. And, my mom and dad shut down and stopped communicating with each other. The end result of this strain and stress was a divorce. They both parted ways following my sister’s death leaving our family even more broken than it already was. Why? Why do so many marriages fall apart following the death of a child? We’ll…